:)

[Rumpelstilskin]

“In the West it’s quite common to pay the children for doing household chores. In our country a lot of people are against it. My opinion”
There are numerous children earning their money doing jobs around the house. There are many good reasons why this agreement is good for children.
For my opinion, it’s quite normal to earn money this way. Teenagers understand how the place works, and where the money comes from. The value money much more, when they’ve earned it. As a result, children are more responsible for spending it. Also, a lot of children are proud of earning money by doing some kind of work, because they want to be like their parents: to earn money themselves, then, teenager’s self-esteem grows up. In additional, doing household chores, children help their parents, which are certainly tired after a difficult day.
On the other hand, some people think, that every member of the family has to contribute to the family’s life and if you pay for this contribution, it corrupts children and family relationships get commercialized.
However, I’m sure, that if parents realize adequately possible negative consequences, everything will be OK. Parents should explain to children, that there will be a time, when they will have to do the same work for free.
To sum up, I think, if the right measures are taken, teenagers will be protect from the negative influence of this way of earning money. So, it depends mostly on parents, and then on children – if it is good or bad for this concrete teenager to earn money by doing household chores. 

Проверьте,пожалуйста,насколько грамотно и связно написан текст.Уровень - upper intermediate. Laser B2.
Спасибо =)

[Rumpelstilskin]

Прошу прощения за название темы,вроде писала нормальное,но сглючил компьютер

[asil]

First of all, LaserB2 is for Upper-Intermediate students, which means certain standards are expected. From my point of view, you need to reconsider some of the sentences which sound too strong and add some modality to the way you phrase your opinion. Here's what I mean:
As a result, children are more responsible -> ... children can become more responsible, can show more responsibility/ are likely to be more responsible, etc

The second problem I noticed is you 'Russian' punctuation. In English commas are used very differently to all (or at least, most) other European languages. So please be careful with your commas.

You didn't tell us the purpose of this essay writing so I can't really comment on something I'm not aware of. Anyway, the essay is really quite good. Or, one more thing. In modern English if you type your essays (or letters, email, etc) it is normal to hit enter twice between paragraphs  . If you're not quite sure what I mean, see how I've reformatted you essay.

[Rumpelstilskin]

Thank you very much)
I made a lot of mistakes while typing in Microsoft word =)
yes, i study Russian more deeply then English, so I put commas in the wrong place)Thank you again)